'Chat' rooms: A clear and present cyber-danger to teenagers

ALTHOUGH not a "place" in the true physical sense, the Internet is similar to other public places in that your child can be exposed to danger. With new mobile devices like smartphones that can access the Internet, your child may be exposed to danger virtually anywhere and anytime.

In a previous generation, children and teens would socialise with a relatively stable circle of friends and acquaintances. Parents were encouraged to know their child's friends and to monitor who their child spends time with. Parents were urged to know who their child was with, where they were going and what they would be doing when they left the house. This is not always easy to do, and children are remarkably adept at misleading their parents and getting into trouble all the same. It's a natural part of growing up.

Today, however, children and teens spend large amounts of their time in a virtual world that is much more difficult for parents to monitor.

Many parents do not even consider internet and mobile phone use to be something that even requires supervision. After all, how much trouble can a kid get into using the computer or phone?

Chat rooms, instant messaging, email and text messaging allow our children to have access to a far greater social circle. Children can quickly become part of an online community of people they have never physically met, connecting in significant ways and getting to know the personalities and lives of others in the group. These relationships can be as intense as face-to-face friendships and romances.

Parents generally don't know who their children are chatting with — sharing their problems, secrets, frustrations and desires. In many cases, our children themselves do not really know who they are really chatting with, since some online personalities are actually fabricated by people pretending to be someone that they're not.

!

It has been said that the most dangerous place for a child to go online is a chat room. Nearly one in five of American youths who surfed the net regularly were the targets of unwanted sexual attention according to a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

There have been many cases of youth chatting with other youth who seem to relate to them and understand their problems, and intense friendships can develop. Only sometimes, these other "kids" turn out to be adults posing as kids and attempting to lure unsuspecting youth into meeting them.

In addition to the dangers to your child of becoming physically molested by or involved with someone they have met online, there is good reason to be concerned with whom they're talking to and what they're talking about. A shocking number of murders, suicides and other crimes have been committed after youth have been in chat rooms talking with others about these subjects — sharing ideas, techniques, motives, etc.

Of course, one cannot blame technology for this; these things may have happened regardless. However, it highlights the fact that parents should be aware of where online their children are spending their time.

This article is not an attempt to portray the internet as evil. It offers obvious benefits and advantages to those who use it, and supports many teens who need someone to talk to. However, as a social medium, it does have risks that need to be recognised and managed. Since parents cannot physically see who their child is spending time with online, they must adopt other measures for safeguarding their children, while respecting their need for freedom and privacy.

Of course, the best way to keep your child safe is to talk with them, discussing the dangers of the internet and your worries. Maintaining a close relationship with your child and ensuring that they develop a strong set of values and the ability to assess danger is important too, though easier said than done.

The following tips may help (from www.warningsigns.info/chat—rooms—warning—signs.htm).

Tips for protecting your child online

Always use a "screen name". Never disclose your real name, school, phone number or where you live.

Always tell authorities if they receive any ominous communication that is frightening or upsetting.

Never exchange photographs over the internet (or through the mail).

Never agree to meet anyone in person that you met in a chat room.

Never give out your password to anyone.

Never agree to enter private chat rooms.

Never accept everything a person says online at face value.

How you can enhance your child's online experience

Spend time online with your child to model correct behaviour.

Locate your computer in a common part of your home, not in a bedroom or secluded room.

Bookmark your child's favourite websites to minimise searching and mistyped URLs.

Make sure your child knows that they are to behave courteously and respectfully while online with friends or strangers.

Consider sharing one email address with your child so that you can monitor messages.

Scrutinise your phone bills and credit card statements for unusual charges.

Set firm time limits and rules for Internet use and enforce them.

Establish consequences for when your child violates the rules (i.e. losing internet privileges for one week)

Explain to your child that if they receive "dirty pictures" (pornographic spam or child pornography) that, although they might be embarrassed, they must tell you.

Forward copies of pornographic spam or threatening messages to your ISP.

Contact your local police.

Praise your child for reporting this activity.

Next Week: Cyber-dangers: Cyber-sex

The author is a private psychologist writing for BT. His email is counsellingbrunei@hotmail.com.The Brunei Times