Fighting drugs with love?

PITY the parents who work hard to raise their children, struggling to understand everything about the child's behaviour even as they strive to love them well, only to be blamed when for one or other reasons the children fall victims to the influences of social ills.

One speaker, Hj Zulkifli Mohamed Rasid of the Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah Institute of Education, said parents should form a bond of love and mental and emotional connection with children to enable them to resist negative social activities. He also told parents to show their love toward their children fortified by "knowledge of a child's behaviour (and) keeping close interaction with their children as part of the efforts to protect them from social ills."

Speaking on a different occasion, family therapist Malyn Cristobal from the Philippines said parents must know how to communicate effectively about drugs and substance abuse, which means practising two-way communication with their children. "Parents must also be open to learn from their own children, and to learn from other parents. This is a continuous learning process for parents."

She explained that at her workplace, children that were in rehabilitation said they turned to drugs and substance abuse because no one listened to them.

Certainly such speakers are not saying outright, "You are to blame!" but instead are conveying the message that if parents failed to follow their advises, then chances are their children would misbehave and parents would of course shoulder the responsibility.

Now most parents' first response would be, "Oh yes, I'd love to be able to communicate my love toward my children in a manner that would indeed protect them from the influences of social ills." But, what kind of love?

One parent's idea of love expressed through some nagging when children engage in harmful behaviour may not be another's idea of caring. One mother's idea of loving her daughters may be by educating them about Islam and why it tells women to observe the hijab, while another mother prefers dressing the girls in frills and skimpy clothing.

As for communication skills, how exactly do we communicate these affections to the children in today's setting? Parents are blamed for "not listening" but the case is also true for children who are not talking because they prefer talking to a world of other people.

Too many parents are finding out about their children's inner and outer lives not from the mouths of the children themselves but through reading their blogs and other social network media such as Friendster and Facebook.

Hence the surprises that many parents feel upon finding out details about their children that have not even crossed their minds. Who is this guy? Why is my daughter posing in such a manner with him? When, and where, was this picture taken? He must be important to her, so how come I dont know anything about him?

There have even been cases when parents learned about their children's sexual and drug experimentations through reading those blogs. Its as if the children bare all so to speak to a multitude of people whose exact geographical locations are unknown to parents, but keep their mouths clam shut at home.

In their efforts to protect the children better, what kind of love can parents extend and how to do it in a manner that would compete with the closeness that the children feel toward their mobile Twitter?

These are tough questions that parents would have to grapple with. Of course tough tasks are part of the job description for parents, so friendly admonitions as well as practical tips about how to be a loving, communication expert for their children are usually welcomed.

No less important would be help for parents in defining the best answers to children's curiosity about drugs, sex, and social ills, as well as in maintaining the balance between educating and simply dumping all the information into those young-but-IT-laden young minds.