If faith is sincere, behaviour is righteous
Saturday, July 26, 2008
A PROPHETIC narration states: "Whoever marries has achieved one half of the Religion. Thereafter let him be conscious of God regarding the other half." A Syrian religious teacher was once asked by a concerned Muslim father whether he should permit his son to marry a Christian girl. The teacher replied: "Does your son pray?" The father hung his head and asked forgiveness. The teacher concluded, "Guide him first".
Marriage is worship. On this basic premise Hedaya Hartford, an American-born graduate of Islamic studies in Damascus, Syria, wrote Initiating and Upholding an Islamic Marriage: Starting off on the Right Foot, now in its third edition. The book is a small treasure of marital advice and true Islamic wisdom in six chapters and a bibliography. It explains succinctly and in simple English the wealth of Qur'anic and authentic Hadith prescriptions on this major topic.
A successful marriage is not a complicated proposition but a jihad against egotism waged by mastering the same few "integrals of success" — patience, self-sacrifice, good humor, and effort. The accent of the book is on practicality in achieving the goal of the Muslim marriage — happiness here and hereafter — without a trace of sermonising. The brevity of the chapters permits a wide coverage of issues with a small volume of words. This excellent style invites the reader not to put down the book until all of it has been read or re-read in a single sitting — preferably with one's spouse if one is already married.
The author's unassuming yet efficient and caring treatment of all the basic issues is the main blessing of her book. Her placement of the more "sensitive" narrations about wifely obedience into context and in the light of the established objectives of the Religion is true, mature naseeha for every Muslim spouse and would-be spouse. "These hadiths," she says, "must be understood in the context of living your life from beginning to end in accordance with the principles of Islam".
Yes, it is a "fact of Islamic life" that "one of the Muslim woman's main obligations after marriage is obedience to her husband". And the Prophet, upon him peace, was related to say, "A woman who obeys her husband and acknowledges his rights is equal to one in jihad (battle) for the sake of Allah Most High. However, few of you women will actually do this". But "the wise will take heed of the Prophet's words: 'Few of you women will do this.' Being among the elect is never easy, especially when the reward is so great", Hartford says.
Some of the book's simple truths are genuine pearls of wisdom for our times, to be memorised and practiced diligently:
"It is the corruption and desertion of our fitrah (natural disposition everyone is born with) that makes it difficult to develop a Muslim character."
"Rights or duties are not instruments of abuse that husband and wife use against each other. Such conduct indicates a lack of understanding of the spirit of an Islamic marriage and Islam itself. When faith is sincere, behaviour is righteous."
"In the Quranic verse 'But men have a degree over women' (2:228), this 'degree' refers to maintenance and financial responsibility, and... if the man does not work and support his wife then he loses that degree."
"Many women, raised in cultures that view as sexist and backwards the idea that a woman's place is in the home, may be repelled by the fact that their home and family are indeed their main responsibility. They should attempt to adjust their cultural mores, and reflect on the immeasurable social chaos that has been caused in the West by the woman abandoning the home."
"A woman, no matter how physically beautiful, ceases to be so when she behaves improperly. Likewise, a woman who might not ordinarily be called 'beautiful' becomes so through her tender and loving nature and excellent character."
"A principle of Islam is to take oneself to task first... Self-sacrifice and humility are invaluable provisions in striving to set the tone for an Islamic marriage."
"The whole Sacred Law and Islamic way of life is designed to create an outward environment and inward state that make spiritual advancement possible."
It should be stressed that Initiating and Upholding an Islamic Marriage does not claim to be a comprehensive manual on the laws and ethics pertaining to marriage but, as its title indicates, advice on a successful beginning. Eight years after its first edition I still hope she might be persuaded to address further issues in a second volume of this valuable work.
In a separate volume co-authored with her husband, the author has described how to draw up an Islamic marriage contract. Additional issues that might be addressed are two or multiple-wife marriages in Islam; the place of in-laws in a mixed-faith and/or international marriage; contraception and abortion; widowhood; and inheritance. Some balk, for example, at the notion of parent-arranged marriages as nothing but coercion; but scratch under the surface and you may find their religious sentiment is comfortably shallow. Alas, the Syrian teacher's question about the would-be bridegroom may apply to them as well.
In our time of open fitnah — especially in sex and gender-related issues in our very own Muslim societies — Islamic Marriage is a breath of fresh air. It contains what should be experienced as rediscovered Prophetic teaching, healing, encouragement, and hope for latter-day Muslims. It contains the essential Divine recipes for familial and social happiness. It is required reading for English-speaking (new or native) Muslim of marriageable age.
Other recommended books in English on the same subject are Marriage in Islam and The Islamic View of Women and the Family, both by Muhammad Abd al-Rauf (former rector of Islam University of Malaysia) as well as Marriage and Sexuality in Islam and The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam, respectively Madelyn Farah's and Muhtar Holland's translations of al-Ghazali's book of Nikah from his masterpiece Ihya' Ulum al-Din.The Brunei Times
Marriage is worship. On this basic premise Hedaya Hartford, an American-born graduate of Islamic studies in Damascus, Syria, wrote Initiating and Upholding an Islamic Marriage: Starting off on the Right Foot, now in its third edition. The book is a small treasure of marital advice and true Islamic wisdom in six chapters and a bibliography. It explains succinctly and in simple English the wealth of Qur'anic and authentic Hadith prescriptions on this major topic.
A successful marriage is not a complicated proposition but a jihad against egotism waged by mastering the same few "integrals of success" — patience, self-sacrifice, good humor, and effort. The accent of the book is on practicality in achieving the goal of the Muslim marriage — happiness here and hereafter — without a trace of sermonising. The brevity of the chapters permits a wide coverage of issues with a small volume of words. This excellent style invites the reader not to put down the book until all of it has been read or re-read in a single sitting — preferably with one's spouse if one is already married.
The author's unassuming yet efficient and caring treatment of all the basic issues is the main blessing of her book. Her placement of the more "sensitive" narrations about wifely obedience into context and in the light of the established objectives of the Religion is true, mature naseeha for every Muslim spouse and would-be spouse. "These hadiths," she says, "must be understood in the context of living your life from beginning to end in accordance with the principles of Islam".
Yes, it is a "fact of Islamic life" that "one of the Muslim woman's main obligations after marriage is obedience to her husband". And the Prophet, upon him peace, was related to say, "A woman who obeys her husband and acknowledges his rights is equal to one in jihad (battle) for the sake of Allah Most High. However, few of you women will actually do this". But "the wise will take heed of the Prophet's words: 'Few of you women will do this.' Being among the elect is never easy, especially when the reward is so great", Hartford says.
Some of the book's simple truths are genuine pearls of wisdom for our times, to be memorised and practiced diligently:
"It is the corruption and desertion of our fitrah (natural disposition everyone is born with) that makes it difficult to develop a Muslim character."
"Rights or duties are not instruments of abuse that husband and wife use against each other. Such conduct indicates a lack of understanding of the spirit of an Islamic marriage and Islam itself. When faith is sincere, behaviour is righteous."
"In the Quranic verse 'But men have a degree over women' (2:228), this 'degree' refers to maintenance and financial responsibility, and... if the man does not work and support his wife then he loses that degree."
"Many women, raised in cultures that view as sexist and backwards the idea that a woman's place is in the home, may be repelled by the fact that their home and family are indeed their main responsibility. They should attempt to adjust their cultural mores, and reflect on the immeasurable social chaos that has been caused in the West by the woman abandoning the home."
"A woman, no matter how physically beautiful, ceases to be so when she behaves improperly. Likewise, a woman who might not ordinarily be called 'beautiful' becomes so through her tender and loving nature and excellent character."
"A principle of Islam is to take oneself to task first... Self-sacrifice and humility are invaluable provisions in striving to set the tone for an Islamic marriage."
"The whole Sacred Law and Islamic way of life is designed to create an outward environment and inward state that make spiritual advancement possible."
It should be stressed that Initiating and Upholding an Islamic Marriage does not claim to be a comprehensive manual on the laws and ethics pertaining to marriage but, as its title indicates, advice on a successful beginning. Eight years after its first edition I still hope she might be persuaded to address further issues in a second volume of this valuable work.
In a separate volume co-authored with her husband, the author has described how to draw up an Islamic marriage contract. Additional issues that might be addressed are two or multiple-wife marriages in Islam; the place of in-laws in a mixed-faith and/or international marriage; contraception and abortion; widowhood; and inheritance. Some balk, for example, at the notion of parent-arranged marriages as nothing but coercion; but scratch under the surface and you may find their religious sentiment is comfortably shallow. Alas, the Syrian teacher's question about the would-be bridegroom may apply to them as well.
In our time of open fitnah — especially in sex and gender-related issues in our very own Muslim societies — Islamic Marriage is a breath of fresh air. It contains what should be experienced as rediscovered Prophetic teaching, healing, encouragement, and hope for latter-day Muslims. It contains the essential Divine recipes for familial and social happiness. It is required reading for English-speaking (new or native) Muslim of marriageable age.
Other recommended books in English on the same subject are Marriage in Islam and The Islamic View of Women and the Family, both by Muhammad Abd al-Rauf (former rector of Islam University of Malaysia) as well as Marriage and Sexuality in Islam and The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam, respectively Madelyn Farah's and Muhtar Holland's translations of al-Ghazali's book of Nikah from his masterpiece Ihya' Ulum al-Din.The Brunei Times
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