Is spanking effective in teaching children?

SOME parents in Brunei said that spanking can be used as a way to teach discipline in children but other parents believe that it is ineffective.

Father of four, Hj Ahmad, 45, said that any form of spanking is "unacceptable".

"I absolutely think that spanking is wrong and it does not work for children because you are actually causing physical harm and the kids will never forget what you did as parent," he said.

There are other ways of educating your children in terms of what is right or wrong, he said, which lies within the communication a parent has with their child.

"The most important thing is to communicate and make them understand what they did wrong and why. If a parent thinks the only way to communicate is by assault, then they're wrong," he said.

By talking things over, you will get their respect when they grow up and when they have their own kids, he said.

"You know you've passed on that knowledge to your offspring and their children's children that spanking just isn't the way to handle problems or solutions," he said.

Different ways of disciplining children can be done by taking away their liberties such as the Internet or outings with friends, Hj Ahmad said.

"Ground them by restricting their daily activites. Take away their Internet and deprive them of the things they can't live without is most effective," he said.

Siti Rahmah, 42, said that even though she does not agree with hitting children, she said that parents should be given the liberty to punish their own children in their own way.

"I don't condone spanking in schools, but a parent should have the discretion to discipline their child the way they see fit, depending on the situation," said the mother of five. However, she said that a "light" spank can sometimes be useful to prove a point.

A 35-year-old parent of two children said that he believes spanking can be used to discipline a child. "I think it's one of the ways that we as parents can express the seriousness of what the kids just did," said the civil servant who requested not to be named.

For instance, he said that if his children were "kurang ajar" (disrepectful) to elders, there should be exceptions when it comes to spanking. "It works for my kids because they know not to do it again," he said.

In Islam, children by the age of seven are allowed to be spanked if they do not practise their daily prayers, he said.

"When I say spank, I don't mean hit them hard. I draw the line when it comes to spanking and I don't do it often or out of pleasure, only if they do something bad or wrong."

"But I would never ever belt my kids because that's a bit too extreme," he added.

He said that when he was a kid, his parents used to spank him and it was effective as he never disobeyed them again.

"I turned out well and I never held it against them because I know they were looking out for me. I suppose that even with the spanking, there was also alot of love and care for me and my siblings," he added.

The Brunei Times